The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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