we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
