how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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