if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
