Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
