he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
