Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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