my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
