That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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