Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
