I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
