They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
