Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
