i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize