Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
