This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
