Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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