I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
