The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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