Don't make out with my wife yet
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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