we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
