I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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