Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize