i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
