I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
