Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
no, he came in my armpit
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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