I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
