We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
