Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
