I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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