I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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