If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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