vagina is talking i cant
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
