I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize