are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
