I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
