Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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