she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
