We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
