Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
