forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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