sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
