this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
