Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
