she woke up with a sticky ear
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
