I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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