Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
