The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
