i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
