twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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