I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
