I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
