He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
how do flat chested girls get laid?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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