I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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