perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
