I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
