I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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