i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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