At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
