but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
