I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
