haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
